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For the past week I have worked my ass off helping my grandparents… - love like me ・ 日記
non solum memento mori, memento vivere sed etiam
For the past week I have worked my ass off helping my grandparents (really not so much helping them as doing all the work while they supervised) fix up their house in the middle of nowhere. I would say it's given me time to think, but most of what I was thinking while standing on a ladder 12 feet in the air painting the undersides of the eaves in 95-degree weather had to do with very immediate concerns, like hoping that I didn't faint from heat exhaustion and fall from the ladder to my death, accidentally get paint in my eyes, nose, or mouth...you know. But one thing did become clear to me, or rather something that I suspected was probably true about me was confirmed.

I already knew that I am deeply offended when someone lies to me, especially when someone I trust and have respect for lies to me about something they know is important to me. I mean, who isn't offended by that? I am also extremely offended by protectionism. Not trade protectionism, but the patronizing sort of way in which some people skirt around and/or allude to the truth because they don't want to be the one to tell you something that will provoke a highly [negative] emotional reaction. When someone does either of these things to me, my trust in them is shattered. Not completely beyond repair, mind you, but shattered enough that it will take months or even years before I trust that person again. As to what happens when someone combines the two, well...I don't really know for sure yet. I hesitate to say I'd never trust them again, but it's been nearly 2 months since I've spoken to that person, and still the very idea of talking to them makes me sick--mostly with anger.

What I decided was that it is nearly impossible for me to trust someone who cannot be frank with me no matter what the circumstances are, once I know that they have a tendency not to be. Whatever it is, I want to be told. Whether it's that I have mustard all over my face or that I have this little habit that really gets on their nerves or that they were offended by something I said or that they ate my mother for breakfast with barbecue sauce. Hints don't work on me, just like I can't understand most people's whispering. I'm no good at divining whether someone's telling the truth or just trying to let me down easy (and letting me down easy doesn't work. I have to hit the ground with an earth-shattering crash, or I won't notice I've gone anywhere, but that's another entry). And in general, I can't be friends with people I can't trust (Although I seem to have no problem dating people to whom I wouldn't entrust the life of an insect. Funny, that.)...

Anyway, that's pretty much all I have to say about that. I might distill some of what's happened in the past week to you at some point, but I won't right now because I'm tired.
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erisedraine From: erisedraine Date: Monday 14th July 2003 15.41 (UTC) (Link)
Protectionism to me has nothing to do with trust. Most people do stuff like that and you are the first person I've heard who takes offence to it. Most people do it because they want to avoid an uncomfortable situation or because they care about your reaction and don't want to have to dump bad news on you.

I can understand your need for total honesty, but honesty and trust are two different entities. Both go hand in hand, but both are also separate.

I appreciate it when people are blunt with me too, because I can be sort of clueless, but I normally don't take offence to people with-holding hurtful information, just because I know they care enough not to want to see me pained. ^_^

Just my 2 cents.