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pet peeve time - love like me ・ 日記
non solum memento mori, memento vivere sed etiam
pet peeve time
気持: cynical
For some reason, while driving home today I found myself thinking about...well, something I'm still quite angry about, when I think about it. I've said before that I don't appreciate being lied to, especially when the aim is to protect my feelings, but I've never articulated why that is.

For the younger members of my audience, when someone lies to you (even by omission) to spare your feelings, it is not a time to feel all warm and fuzzy about that person trying to protect you. Anyone who says they are doing something to protect you is most likely lying. What they are really trying to do is keep you from getting mad at them, which they assume (sometimes justifiably) you will do if you are given the whole truth.

All of the above is a sign of blatant disrespect. It is disrespectful to hide the truth from someone for any reason. Think about this: when you decide not to tell someone the whole truth about something, you are showing that you do not believe they can handle the reality of the situation. Telling someone the truth, even when you know they don't want to hear it, is one of the highest forms of trust.

I for one find myself completely unable to ever trust someone again after I discover that they've willfully lied to me, especially if they couch it in some flimsy excuse like a desire to protect my feelings. It's probably the most insulting form of patronization, and I won't stand for it.

So could everyone cut it out? Guys are especially bad about this.
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Comments
marypcb From: marypcb Date: Monday 29th September 2003 13.04 (UTC) (Link)
the only time I think it's acceptable is something you will never find out about that doesn't affect you in other ways, in which case it's an ommission rather than a lie. any other time, it only postpones it or makes it worse. You're right; who is protecting who?
ang_grrr From: ang_grrr Date: Monday 29th September 2003 22.33 (UTC) (Link)
when you decide not to tell someone the whole truth about something, you are showing that you do not believe they can handle the reality of the situation

There are a number of direct questions that I can imagine being asked that I would lie about. Not because I don't think that my friends can handle the truth - it's that I can't. I'd not lie, but I'd probably not give an honest answer to protect my own feelings.

Luckily most of my friends have enough tact not to ask those questions.
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