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Someone earlier today said something about goals, and it got me to… - love like me ・ 日記
non solum memento mori, memento vivere sed etiam
Someone earlier today said something about goals, and it got me to thinking. They talk about goals a lot in school, but they were always talking about career goals, and I never had any, so I always made something up. I still don't have any career goals, other than wanting to not have to worry about whether or not I can pay all my bills and eat in the same month.

The truth is that the only long-term goal I've ever had was to have a family of my own by the time I was 25. I've had that goal at least since I was 4 years old, because I remember telling it to someone at that age (my mother, who frowned and said she meant what did I want to be when I grew up).

My half-birthday, on which day I will be 25 1/2, is next Wednesday. On that day, I will have officially failed in the only thing I ever really wanted to do, because at that point it will be well and truly too late to even have made the first steps.

Have a nice day.
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erisedraine From: erisedraine Date: Friday 6th October 2006 00.48 (UTC) (Link)
:( I'm sorry. I find that all the romantic goals I had when I was a young girl never came true. Like being kissed at 16, or having sex by 20 (yeah... embarassingly enough I had that goal), or even getting married by 25 too. I'm 21 now and I realistically don't think I'd even want to get married so soon.

I think it's really difficult to have a goal like a want and hope and dream and when it gets close to the time when you should've already achieved that goal and you realize you have to rethink your priorities. :(

I don't know, I know I can't really say anything to properly comfort you. ごめんなさい。
valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Friday 6th October 2006 09.43 (UTC) (Link)
My goal (and this really is the only goal I've ever had) was just to get married at 23 and have a baby at 25. That's still my idea of perfection, even though when I actually was 23 I didn't really mind not getting married that year, and I'm still not really sweating that. I wouldn't be too bothered by not having a baby this year if I at least had a boyfriend...

*hugs* It really does all work out, I guess... At least, everything except this has worked out for me, more or less. It's the only thing I'm seriously unhappy about, even though there's a lot of crap in my life that could be lots better.

I don't know either. I just don't know. But...ありがとうございます.
hnpcc From: hnpcc Date: Friday 6th October 2006 07.48 (UTC) (Link)
Ah, so that's why you've been freaking out.

I don't think I ever had a specific age in mind for marriage, but I am finding that I am getting very stressed about fertility as I rapidly approach mid-30s. Because I always thought I'd have had a child by now, even without an actual age in mind. One of those vague things, in my case based almost entirely on my Mum's age when she started having children.

Then again, I'm not Mum. (Well, mostly not.)

On that day, I will have officially failed in the only thing I ever really wanted to do, because at that point it will be well and truly too late to even have made the first steps

Rubbish. The first step is to be happy with yourself. Even if you (for a wild example here) got married the day before your 26th birthday, you'd still have achieved that goal, actually. It also depends a bit on how you define "have a family", too - do cats count? :-)

More seriously, and sounding altogether too much like my Mum here, you will have a family and it will happen in its own time. You are not a failure because you're not hitched and up the duff by a certain age. Really, honestly, truly.

I'm not sure that my comments are helping, but hey. One question - if you could spend all day doing what you wanted, what would you do?
valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Friday 6th October 2006 09.36 (UTC) (Link)
Honestly, I always thought 23 was the perfect age to get married, and 25 the perfect age to have a baby. I never wanted to have children any later than 25 (wanted to have the kid(s) out of my house by the time I turned 50). As little girls, all my friends were planning out their dream wedding's setting and colors and stuff, but all I knew for sure was that I wanted to be 23 at it. But I didn't so much mind missing that, as long as I had a family at 25. And no, cats don't count. As much as I love them, it's just not the same.

To be honest, that's the only reason I went to college (other than that my parents would have killed me if I didn't), and the reason I lost interest in it was because for three solid semesters every decent-looking guy in all my classes was either married, engaged, or gay.

And also honestly, I'm happiest when I don't have anything I absolutely have to do, but still have enough to do to keep myself occupied. What I'm actually doing doesn't matter so much as long as there's no pressing deadline (or at least no horrible consequences for not meeting it--actually under those conditions I tend to finish things early) and it's not boring. Preferably something with lots of nitpicky details, because I like that sort of thing.
hnpcc From: hnpcc Date: Monday 9th October 2006 01.55 (UTC) (Link)
If you started a serious relationship the day before your 26th birthday, would that count? :-)

With the longer term career thing, is it worth talking to the career advisors at your uni? It might give you an idea of where to start looking for something that will stress you less and make you happier. (And hopefully pay more, heh.)