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Reactionary. - love like me ・ 日記
non solum memento mori, memento vivere sed etiam
Reactionary.
I hate you all.

Nothing personal, just...
I hate everyone who has a purpose
Or who is happy.
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hnpcc From: hnpcc Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 00.36 (UTC) (Link)
Oh trust me, I have no purpose.

Or dolphins, either.

Come on holiday. Come here. It's warm. It's less humid. There are dolphins.
valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 04.47 (UTC) (Link)
I wish I could afford to. I could really use some relaxation time.

Unless and until I find a new job, however, I can barely afford the trip to work and back...
hnpcc From: hnpcc Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 06.54 (UTC) (Link)
OK, plan. 1st - get new job. 2nd - plan trip. :-)

It's my massively oversimplified plan. :-)
erisedraine From: erisedraine Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 01.46 (UTC) (Link)
:(
From: indramh Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 03.20 (UTC) (Link)
You don't know me, and I don't you know you. I found your LJ while browsing through member list of the kakairu community, an old haunt of mine. I read a few of your recent entries, and, as a university graduate who suffered three and a half years of severe burn out because I saw no point in my life -- and my list 'goals' either far beyond my reach or already achieved -- my heart goes out to you. I still remember the empty hallow feeling that persisted while I believed I am have done nothing, and everything I do is ultimately pointless.

I'd like to offer you the hope that saved me from that pit. Chances are you don't want to hear this or read about this, but I beg you to take a few moments to read what I have to say:

The so-called 'happiness' isn't the point of life or the answer to life. It can't be, when it goes away so easily and so quickly. Have you gone through this cycle as I have? I'd do things that me feel good, hoping deep down that this thing feeling would last. And for the moment I am happy, but then feeling goes away and I'm back to square one (if not worse). I kept looking for the 'right thing', but it was the same story for everything I tried. And turbulent circumstances ... let's not even go there. Eventually came my final, painful conclusion: this world does NOT have what I'm looking for. But if what I'm looking does not exist in this world, then what hope do I have?

The answer I got, surprisingly enough, is the Gospel preached in the Bible. (I can see you turning away right here...) But the truth is this: we, by ourselves, have no hope or point in life. God, who is beyond this world, wants to give us that hope. But, as loving as God is, God is also just. He can't just give this gift to us and jeopardize his integrity. And let's face it, can you honestly say that you can just ask God to give you something, when you've been thumbing your nose at him for most of your life and doing things he doesn't want you to do? That's like demanding something from a practical stranger, after insulting him for years, and believing you deserve to get that something because this stranger is 'good'. A price has to paid for both the insult and the gift. The problem is, we don't have anything to offer to God, who only accepts the perfect and pure. So God gave us the price: his son Jesus. He is our price, given to us freely. Without him, we have no life, no point, no real hope, and no way to get all these things. Of course, this is only part of the Gospel. We have to admit we have done wrong for thumbing our nose at God, and accept that Jesus is our only savior. But once you accept this good news to be true, I personally attest to you, life ... becomes so full of joy -- joy that lasts and persists beyond circumstances.

It is because of this divine love and mercy I received, I am saying these things. I am so filled with this joy, I can't stop talking about it. I want others to have it as well. You can call me whatever saying these things and believing in these things, but this is the truth I finally came to accept after years of denial.
valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 04.46 (UTC) (Link)
That's very nice for you, but I recognize the witnessing speech. I used to give it myself, never truly believing a damn word of it. I've always thought people without religious families were the lucky ones, who got to discover God on their own rather than having him crammed down their throat since before they were even able to understand speech. I'm sure it's all much more appealing that way.

I might be able to believe you if organized religion, Christianity in particular, wasn't the source of most of the reasons I hate myself.
From: indramh Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 13.58 (UTC) (Link)
I see. I was wondering if you have been hurt by the church. I feel for you on that too. I remember going to church, week after week, when I was very young, and feeling like the people around me didn't even notice that I existed. When they did, it was more to preach about faith without giving me a reason to believe, therefore I couldn’t believe. That's why I fell away from the faith when I was twelve, and didn't come back until I was twenty three. Even now, I have very little faith with humans out large, be they Christian or member of an organized religion or otherwise. I *expect* to be let down, and myself to let down others. But God… the God spoken in Bible is different. I had a Damascus Road type of conversion (scary word!), so I can’t even claim to have found God on my own. I was just driving my car to school alone, thinking about a *yaoi fanfic* I wanted to write in conjunction to the concept of *Hell*, and it just … hit me.

I remember crying and laughing my way to school, and calling every Christian friend I could think of (one) about it, I was so happy.

Having gone through this kind of experience, I really must say having Christ in your life requires a small portion of surrender and a lot of Godly intervention. I later learned the aforementioned friend had been praying for me for *years*.

Now I don’t know your real name. I don’t even know how you look like. But this is online content, and, as a computer programmer, I can't help but be concerned over identity theft, be it mine or yours. So I won't ask. I also respect your privacy. But I can pray for you.

In him, indramh
fahran From: fahran Date: Thursday 26th October 2006 09.23 (UTC) (Link)
Your haiku doesn't scan.

Hate me for saying that, not for being happy.
valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Friday 27th October 2006 00.02 (UTC) (Link)
I can't hate you for saying that, it made me laugh.

Thanks. ^_^
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