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Since I chose, a few days ago, to stop associating with people who… - love like me ・ 日記
non solum memento mori, memento vivere sed etiam
音楽: Shawn Colvin - Sunny Came Home
Since I chose, a few days ago, to stop associating with people who don't have time for me, I've actually been quite relaxed.

I can finally sleep again, without being tormented by thoughts that perhaps if they really liked me they would make time to spend with me. I'm going to bed earlier, since I'm not waiting for any IM responses and wondering if they just got bored and wandered off or went to bed or what.

What is still bothering me, though, is the fact that I spend a great deal of time alone. I don't particularly like being alone for long periods of time. I also don't particularly like going out, even for routine things, alone. Chatting via IM all evening with people who hardly ever see fit to actually see me in person was distracting me from that while I was actually engaged in conversation, but making it difficult to sleep at night because I was always kept awake by nagging paranoia, until I convinced myself that they just didn't like me anymore and cried myself to sleep.

I'm spending some more time bored, and I'm still depressed, but at least I can sleep again. I'm fairly certain now that nobody likes me, but I feel better about that than not knowing.
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hnpcc From: hnpcc Date: Thursday 7th May 2009 23.43 (UTC) (Link)
Maybe you should join some kind of social thing that will get you out at least once a fortnight? I mean, I play netball partly for the fun and a lot for the convincing myself I have a social life. More seriously, it's the only time I catch up with some people - the minute they or I get injured we drop off each other's radar quite badly and end up seeing each other once a year.

valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Friday 8th May 2009 00.07 (UTC) (Link)
If I could find one that was free, I'd be there already. Getting my teeth finally fixed means I won't be able to afford much else until sometime this fall, unfortunately.
hnpcc From: hnpcc Date: Monday 11th May 2009 01.11 (UTC) (Link)
Is there anything low cost? I'm thinking I dunno, internet based fan club with occasional get togethers, book clubs, walking groups, that kind of thing. Something that makes it relatively easy to participate in, but doesn't involve a huge outlay.
valamelmeo From: valamelmeo Date: Monday 11th May 2009 01.23 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I've been looking into some things. I just have to decide on something, I guess.
if_i_had_you From: if_i_had_you Date: Friday 8th May 2009 14.26 (UTC) (Link)
I know this is terribly late, but I like you. :\ Even while we don't talk very often (if at all, for years...*sigh*). ._. If you want to talk, I'm usually on AIM until weird hours of the night here, and my screen name is choco puffin.